I'm Back!

 That's right...After an almost three month hiatus, I'm BACK!

After basically sharing my entire life with all of you, it would be so easy for me to say that I let myself down, but I won't. I felt it, I said it, and I blogged about it. I knew that eventually, my momentum would crash, my motivation would end, and I would be heading back down the road to obesity...and it happened.

Around the holidays, I felt the need to grant myself permission to eat ANYTHING I wanted. Not only did I do that, but for some reason I also convinced myself that the eight months of exercising I did prior to the holidays would be enough to sustain my weight loss. Ha! Not only did I completely revert back to my old habits, but I gained 15 pounds. Only gaining three around Christmas made me feel invinceable. I thought that since I only gained a few pounds, I could slow down even more without seeing any major consequences.

Sure, fifteen pounds isn't that bad, but now that means I have to lose fifteen more! Surprisingly, I am not upset by the new number I see on the scale. What I'm disappointed in is the fact that I stopped doing something that was good for me, and most importantly, something I loved doing.

After gaining around ten pounds, I felt helpless. I felt there was no coming out of the deep hole I had dug myself into, and that the healthy lifestyle I had created for myself was only temporary. So what was my solution? I let myself gain five more!

So, what made me decide to finally crawl out of my hole? I did. I remembered that sitting on the couch and eating potato chips didn't make me lose the weight before, and it's not going to now. I remembered how happy I was and telling others that I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Was it a lie? No, but as I was in the slump, gaining weight, and becoming more unhealthy, I tried to tell myself it was.

I tried to tell myself that I will never be that healthy, fit person I've always wanted to be. And let me tell you, work catering in meals, seeing old friends, and remembering what McDonald's tasted like didn't make it any better. But, it wasn't the outside influences that made me gain this weight...it was me.

Now, it's time for me to dig deep and remember what I've already told all of you- You are in charge of your own success. Although there will be outside influences, you have to stick to your guns. So, I did, and after my first run in a few months, I feel invigorated (after catching my breath, of course). It was fun, but hard. However, aren't the best moments in life the ones that do take your breath away? :)