I Need to Respect Myself

It’s been a few months since I’ve blogged about my life and weight loss, or lack thereof. In these past few months, a lot has changed! I started a new job, bought my first home, and adopted a new fur baby!

I’ve always been one of those who worries about everything and looks at things negatively. I always think “If I get this or that, I will be so much happier!” So, you would think I’d be super duper happy with all of the great new additions to my life. I am happy. However, something is missing, and that something is loving myself and treating my body the way it deserves.

I am miserably fat. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. You’d think I’d learn after going through cycles of losing and gaining 20, 50, and even 100 pounds at a time. But, I haven’t. One thing I have learned throughout my life, and especially over the last few years, is that working to be healthy makes me so damn happy. So, why do I stop? Why don’t I start? Why don’t I stick with it?

I always see and share inspirational quotes on Instagram thinking that might somehow give me the motivation I’m desperately seeking. Quotes like “When you feel like quitting, think about why you started” and “Every new day is a chance to change your life.” These are great words to live by, but they’re not enough for me. Reading words on a screen is not going to make my brain change the way it thinks.

One quote that does always come to mind when I get sad about my life or think about how much work is ahead of me and how much weight I have to lose, and that is “Be happy now, without reason – or you will never be at all.” OMG. So true, right? Instead of thinking about how long it will take me to lose the 200 pounds I want to lose, I need to be happy with the small victories.

I need to most of all be happy with the non-scale victories. Like the fact that I can take the steps up to work without almost dying or the fact that I actually brought my lunch  today instead of grabbing fast food. Don’t get me wrong, seeing the number on the scale go down makes me unbelievably proud of myself, but I am not just a number.

So, motivation is not what I’m lacking here. I have the motivation in me. I am lacking respect for myself, and that has to change. Motivation only gets you so far. It’s all about making conscious decisions and realizing that this whole thing is about life, not just weight. I need to do what makes me happy and what keeps me healthy and stop focusing on how much work is ahead of me. Because we are all a work in progress, and that never stops, even once the fat is gone.